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Happy Saturday!

I took my kids to work with me today...it turned out ok. They actually did great. They hung out and watched entirely too much tv with the 13 yr old babysitter...and I am unbelievable grateful to her. My one day "off" from my real life keeps me somewhat sane. And I have trouble when the munchkins have to be part of it. On the other hand I'm extremely grateful that my situation allows them to be there if necessary. The family that I work for are fantastic!

Hooray for that anyway.

I learned something about my mom today. See, I've been on the fence about finding a church for my family to become part of. The reality is that I have been a big fat slacker in the world of spirituality...or maybe just not in the sence that my parents had in mind. You see, I grew up in a small southern baptist church..which was fine. No one was red faced and sweaty, nor running up and down the aisles. No screaming or jumping around on the pews or anything unusual. My problem is that I'm not sure where I belong any more. My son will be attending preschool at a local Nazarene church. My plan for tomorrow is to check out the sunday worship service and see what goes on there. I had a giant debate with my aunt last night. She is VERY involved in their local baptist church and I thought she might have some good ideas of things to take notice of.

What I learned is that she basically is some giant hypocrit who give churches a bad name. She believes whole-heartedly that their way is the only way. So what happened to all the native american souls? Because, when the white folks were busy taming the wild west, some of them died and if there is an all loving God and heaven/hell did they get shunned at the pearly gates because their skin was red or because the were not baptist? How could that be?

I think she thinks that the bible was written in English...right from the top of Mt. Sinai ...where almost everyone is Jewish and definetly not your typical "white" man. I was so incredibly annoyed with her and you just can't get the point across on the yahoo im.

I was talking with my parents about all of this and my mom put some things into perspective. One, my aunt really is a hypocrit. She wears dresses and acts one way at church and at work which is in the bible college. When she comes down to visit she wears jeans and sweatshirts like the rest of us. Seriously, I understand dressing respectfully but, do you really think that what you would wear on the outside of your body makes any difference on the placement of your soul? Secondly, when you are in the car and someone pulls out or is driving offensively is it any better to say, "you stupid, freaking idiot!!", than to say "you stupid fucking asshole!!". They mean the same thing. And they are just words...but one doesn't appear to be any better or worse than the other. They all just make you look like an ass. Seriously, you're yelling at some dude who's already two blocks away...

I can't see how the status of your spiritual well being could have anything to do with your vocabulary. My mom says that she thinks that God is a non-denominational God. She seems to think we are walking around in the proverbial hell and that when she gets to heaven she'll see all kinds of people. I think that seems reasonable. At least more so than the baptists rule the glory land way of thinking. Sometimes I think I'm surrounded by crazy. Even more so than normal.

I seem to think there is some link between the worlds...I guess when I leave this world I'll find out...until then I'll be trying to find a church so that my kids will have some place else to go to have some separation practice before that blasted school starts.
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There are some very big changes in store for my group of kick-ass momma friends. Our babies are growing up...and none of us like it much. I'm falling apart over preschool when he will really be kindergarten age. My daughter is also one of the fearless kind. So unlike my son...in so many ways.

The challenges of motherhood just continue to go on and on. I don't want to raise mean kids. My kids are both definetly spirited and a little nutso...but they get that honest. They are also very sweet and loving and every day begins with "where are we going today,,who are we going to see". They love their friends as much as I love their mommas.

My kids will probably be recommended for meds when a teacher gets ahold of them...hope not...don't want to have to stress over that..

I saw this preschool class in full motion the other day and I have no doubt that my brave boy will have a blast!! There were other kids who were throwing letters and playing make believe and having a ball. He would have loved it. Maybe not the first day...but I know he will make it work.

I can't believe the time has come to send them or consider sending them out into the big bad world...at least I have some back up for myself when I deflate from all the backing-up of the little kid. Being a momma is hard! Especially when you are doing all you know how to and then some and the kid still roars at his friends....

Some kids think they are fairies and princesses....my kids think they are gorillas....chalk it up to too many trips to the zoo..

But my gorillas would not hesitate to go out on the limb , even if they were scared , to rescue their princess fairy.

And they learned that from their momma.
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WOW!!! Very busy weekend...My Gram came to visit for a few days and it was exhausting. Loads of things have happened in the past several days.

Well, first I was able to sign the little man up for preschool. Thanks to a local church and a couple of people late with their registration fee we were able to sneak him right on in. Hooray for us!! I met with the teacher and she was so incredibly nice and so into the kids...I was at peace with this decision immediately. They had a safari theme this month and there were little pictures and laminated drawings of monkeys all over the place!! If any one of you know my children, you know how much they love the animals in the jungle...monkeys and apes especially.

Yea! Also, my bestest knitting momma friends came to have a knitting party with my Gram. Thank you all so much. She felt like the queen for a day! Her own daughters live an hour or so from her and work (except for one who is just a bitch, but that's another blog) so she was happy to be here and simply giddy to be "fussed" over. She is now on a sock knitting mission. Who would have thought that I would be an inspiration to a woman who has knitted and crocheted since she was 11?? She is now 72. I was also able to take her to the local yarn shop and wow, yarn disneyland. She had never seen anything like it before. She is now spreading her 72 yr old wings and looking past the red heart. Hooray for Gram!!

We actually went to 2 local yarn shops....I just need to find the money to buy up all of the beautiful hand-dyed wool. I did buy some natural wool to dye myself...thanks for the inspiration girls!!

I am so incredibly tired. My Gram kicked my ass. I was supposed to have an exclusive day with a dear friend but I simply could not face getting out of my jammies tomorrow. I'm so sorry for that....but I really want our day to be wonderfully peaceful...and it wouldn't happen tomorrow for me. I want to just snuggle with her on my couch and admire the beauty......xoxo..

whoa...eeeeaaaassssyyyy nnnooowww

ok, I'm back....and I must go to bed. Thanks again to my faithful posse who made the day such a success....and thanks to the forces of nature that were helping to find the perfect spot for my sweet boy...


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So today was the big day. Preston who is 4 & 1/2 had his preschool screening appt. today. He was all geared up and ready to go. This was his "school day". I was full of anxiety as you already know....

When we got to the assigned room he started to yib...not a lot, just a little. He was trying so hard not to cry...all the while breaking my heart. I finally took him with me to show him the room where I had to go to fill out papers and things. He has always had some problems with the separation all of this I expected. Even when he unloaded lunch into the nearby garbage can I was not really surprised. What surprised me was when he said, "ok mommy, let's go back". We wiped his face, he got a drink and commented on the water fountains "are just my size". Then with his chin up and his eyes brimming with tears he took his coat from me and said.."Mommy, I will be a brave boy!" and he proceeded to go and hang his coat on the row of coat hooks and he turned and gave me a very brave thumbs-up to signal my departure. I was so very proud. That was a very grown-up thing that just took place. I turned and went into the hall and burst into tears. (I wonder where he gets it??) I composed myself enough to go into "my" room to do paperwork and within 5 minutes of sitting down I realized I had just tortured my son for basically nothing. You see, the tuition is so high that it will be immpossible to tackle that kind of responsibility for that many months. And besides if I were able to fork over that kind of dough I wouldn't be at the local public preschool.

Let's just say the rates were almost or in excess of double the other rates I'd enquired about. My other big gripe is that I was like the only one in the room who would not qualify for any financial aid. The whole set up seemed more like a day care system as opposed to a preschool. Is 3 days a week, half a day to much to ask?? Our school district here is on an all day every day kindergarten schedule. 9:30 to 4pm. I think that is a really long time for a little kid. Especially a little guy who's never left my side. I really just wanted to ease him into something so that when real school started he wouldn't be so afraid. So heartbreaking to me that the tears have come off and on all day. Even as I type I have to stop to wipe my eyes.

It's hard enough to know that he's old enough to go...but to be the one looking in his terrified little face and try to be reassuring....and to see him overcome his fear and step out of his comfort zone was such a milestone for us.....and it all seemed to crumble right before my eyes and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I feel as though I was the only one in the room who was their solely for what was best for their child. The others , some more obvious than others, simply were looking for a way to be rid of their kid. I believe that he learned a life lesson today...and for that I am grateful....but I as him mama am feeling heartbroken and guilty as hell. I want him to be able to face his fears and rise to the challenge and today he did just that. I'm proud to be the mother of a very brave little boy....and I've decided that when the time comes for either preschool or kindergarten next year that he'll be just fine...come what may...

and come what may....I'll still be crying because my baby is growing up.
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HOOOLLLLLYYYYY SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!!! My baby is going to a preschool screening tomorrow. And guess what??!! I think I read the paper wrong and was supposed to call for an appt. time BETWEEN the hours of 1 and 3. I thought we were to be there from 1 until 3. I'm still not sure and I've already left a frantic message to whomever may answer. I sure hope I didn't screw this up? How am I supposed to show them what an amazing, kick-ass super mama I am if I can't get the fucking screening right??

Oh, I am sick. I soooo don't want to look like a dimwit. I am sooo not that way. When I initially made the call the woman told me from 1 til 3. But the paper appears to read differently. I was just putting together his ss card and bc and shot records.....oh, please don't let me have this all wrong. He seems sooo excited. He was showing us tonight all of his talents...jumping on one foot, spelling his name, being a power ranger....etc...

What a nightmare!! Like knowing he's old enough to go at all isn't hard enough....how will I ever sleep???

Please let this work out......
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So I just learned of some news (which should be wonderful, but not in this case) and I need a minute to vent. My brother and his wife are expecting another baby. This should fill my heart with joy but it is the furthest possible thing from that. Let me explain, my sister-in-law is nuts. This will also be baby #4!! Their youngest is almost 6. The oldest is 9 and is special needs also. The poor middle one is 8 and only has 1 kidney and is limited in any kind of physical contact sport or skating, sledding, etc. I just don't know how to say all of this without sounding like a first class bitch...so I'm apologizing now...

My brother is a great catch. And she has snagged him good. She said she was on the pill with baby #1...and she's not a good mother. Not to my standards anyway....she takes care of them in the sense of bathing and feeding, except the middle of the night ones...that's my brothers job. She is just not a nuturing, loving mother at all. She yells constantly and doesn't ever follow up with a hug. I'm not the world's perfect mother, this I know, but my babies are not starved for a mothers love. They do in fact witness me as "the hulk" on occasion, but not often and I always feel like shit afterwards.

My brother works in a factory where he is a foreman and makes about the limit as far as hourly rates go. He has decent insurance and he also works pt for the township servicing roads and things. He then must vacuum and do piles of laundry and clear a path to the couch if he wants to see the carpet. He works so hard and takes care of the kids while she eats and sleeps and watches (and believes) tv all damn day. She thinks the people on Jerry Springer are for real for pete's sake.

Ok, to give her a tiny bit of slack, her family is nutso!! Like co-co-nuts!! She keeps house the same way her mother did. Not that I'm a neat freak by any means, but I can have some unexpected company and not have to feel as though they may become lost in the ruins. Her family was and still is very mean and hateful toward them both. Her brothers have both been in jail for dui's and domestic violence and her parents think they walk on water. They treat her and my brother like shit and all he does is take care of his family on a fairly small income and never asks anyone for anything. The only assistance the ever get is WIC, which is a wonderful program, that we only made like a hundred bucks too much to get. She loves my brother fiercely and she even loves the kids...in her own wierd way. You have to feel a little sorry for her because she doesn't know how (because she herself did not have) to be a loving mother.

My poor mom is taking all the family heat because she's the go-to girl in the family. Like she's the one in the bedroom over there who has any power. She told him and everyone else that they could have 10 kids for all she cares. She's not the one who must feed and clothe them. Her job is to love them. I'm a little worried about her though. She worries so much for his sake.

I voiced a suspicion to her tonight that she later told me she thought of as well which is literally the straw that broke the camel's back....I told her that I could easily see my s-i-l poking holes through the condom wrappers with a pin. She's just that kind of sneaky. She's worried that she will have to return to work once the youngest is in school. Big family joke because she's been fired from everywhere....and she's only had a couple of fast food flings in high school.

I worry for my brother and I worry for my nieces and nephew. I also am now worrying for this unborn child who will never know a loving mothers touch. I love my family so very much and I show them that in millions of ways on a daily basis. Ever had a little kid say, "mom, that's enough lovin'"??? I'm close to mauling them sometimes....what a mess.

Ultimately I'm with my mom, they take care of themselves and do not ask help from anyone. They are good with budgeting and it'll work itself out..
But, she'd better thank her lucky stars she wasn't married to me. I'd throw that damn tv and the phone into the street and I'd dismantle the car and I'd say, "get this house cleaned up and then we'll talk". I would not live in a complete pig sty. And I most certainly would not work two jobs and do all of the housework when she is able to stay home...not to mention taking care of 3 soon to be 4 children.

I'm glad they are two hours from me. Sorry to be so gripy. Needed to unload.


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Whew...that was something....finally the comments are where they should be!! Hooray for me! For those of you who do not know me...you're missing out! Ha ha ha....you've just had a full dose of yours truly. I tend to think I'm funnier than anyone else thinks I am....and I'm ok with that.

Seriously, I am a one day a week hair dresser/full time stay-at-home mother of two. I'm a Toby Keith fanatic, an avid book reader, and every time I go into JoAnn's I'm a crafter. I tend to conform to whatever sounds best or will work for that day. I'm also learning to knit which is going pretty well. I must say I have a cross-stitch project that has been in the works for almost 10 years. It is haunting me....and I still hate it. Mostly I've decided that I am a collector of hobbies. I sooo much enjoy all of the tools and notions involved.

My family is my life...and they are spoiled!!! I know this about me...I'm one hell of a catch. My heart is as big as my ego(which is not nearly as big as my ass...but that's another blog).

I also am blessed by the forces of nature or God or fill in the blank to what best completes this as to not offend anyone.....I am blessed to be surrounded by friends. And not just your everyday run-of-the-mill acquaintances....I mean like hold your hair back while you're puking your guts out while they help take boxes of your useless shit to your new house kind of friends. I am surrounded by the most beautiful, caring, intelligent, wicked funny, and simply the sweetest group of women who I am proud to call friends. I believe that friendship comes to very few people and I know that what I have is some kind of wonderful.

Ok, that was important for me to say and though is not the most eloquent it is sincere. You all know who you are and know that you are loved!! And appreciated.

That's all for now, folks!!
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I am trying to set this blog up with comments and things so be patient please. I will begin with a more lengthy description of myself when this is all finished. In the mean time please just know I'm computer illiterate....
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Hey everyone!! I've made it into blog land...hooray!!
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