Thursday, March 18, 2004
So today was the big day. Preston who is 4 & 1/2 had his preschool screening appt. today. He was all geared up and ready to go. This was his "school day". I was full of anxiety as you already know....
When we got to the assigned room he started to yib...not a lot, just a little. He was trying so hard not to cry...all the while breaking my heart. I finally took him with me to show him the room where I had to go to fill out papers and things. He has always had some problems with the separation all of this I expected. Even when he unloaded lunch into the nearby garbage can I was not really surprised. What surprised me was when he said, "ok mommy, let's go back". We wiped his face, he got a drink and commented on the water fountains "are just my size". Then with his chin up and his eyes brimming with tears he took his coat from me and said.."Mommy, I will be a brave boy!" and he proceeded to go and hang his coat on the row of coat hooks and he turned and gave me a very brave thumbs-up to signal my departure. I was so very proud. That was a very grown-up thing that just took place. I turned and went into the hall and burst into tears. (I wonder where he gets it??) I composed myself enough to go into "my" room to do paperwork and within 5 minutes of sitting down I realized I had just tortured my son for basically nothing. You see, the tuition is so high that it will be immpossible to tackle that kind of responsibility for that many months. And besides if I were able to fork over that kind of dough I wouldn't be at the local public preschool.
Let's just say the rates were almost or in excess of double the other rates I'd enquired about. My other big gripe is that I was like the only one in the room who would not qualify for any financial aid. The whole set up seemed more like a day care system as opposed to a preschool. Is 3 days a week, half a day to much to ask?? Our school district here is on an all day every day kindergarten schedule. 9:30 to 4pm. I think that is a really long time for a little kid. Especially a little guy who's never left my side. I really just wanted to ease him into something so that when real school started he wouldn't be so afraid. So heartbreaking to me that the tears have come off and on all day. Even as I type I have to stop to wipe my eyes.
It's hard enough to know that he's old enough to go...but to be the one looking in his terrified little face and try to be reassuring....and to see him overcome his fear and step out of his comfort zone was such a milestone for us.....and it all seemed to crumble right before my eyes and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I feel as though I was the only one in the room who was their solely for what was best for their child. The others , some more obvious than others, simply were looking for a way to be rid of their kid. I believe that he learned a life lesson today...and for that I am grateful....but I as him mama am feeling heartbroken and guilty as hell. I want him to be able to face his fears and rise to the challenge and today he did just that. I'm proud to be the mother of a very brave little boy....and I've decided that when the time comes for either preschool or kindergarten next year that he'll be just fine...come what may...
and come what may....I'll still be crying because my baby is growing up.
|
When we got to the assigned room he started to yib...not a lot, just a little. He was trying so hard not to cry...all the while breaking my heart. I finally took him with me to show him the room where I had to go to fill out papers and things. He has always had some problems with the separation all of this I expected. Even when he unloaded lunch into the nearby garbage can I was not really surprised. What surprised me was when he said, "ok mommy, let's go back". We wiped his face, he got a drink and commented on the water fountains "are just my size". Then with his chin up and his eyes brimming with tears he took his coat from me and said.."Mommy, I will be a brave boy!" and he proceeded to go and hang his coat on the row of coat hooks and he turned and gave me a very brave thumbs-up to signal my departure. I was so very proud. That was a very grown-up thing that just took place. I turned and went into the hall and burst into tears. (I wonder where he gets it??) I composed myself enough to go into "my" room to do paperwork and within 5 minutes of sitting down I realized I had just tortured my son for basically nothing. You see, the tuition is so high that it will be immpossible to tackle that kind of responsibility for that many months. And besides if I were able to fork over that kind of dough I wouldn't be at the local public preschool.
Let's just say the rates were almost or in excess of double the other rates I'd enquired about. My other big gripe is that I was like the only one in the room who would not qualify for any financial aid. The whole set up seemed more like a day care system as opposed to a preschool. Is 3 days a week, half a day to much to ask?? Our school district here is on an all day every day kindergarten schedule. 9:30 to 4pm. I think that is a really long time for a little kid. Especially a little guy who's never left my side. I really just wanted to ease him into something so that when real school started he wouldn't be so afraid. So heartbreaking to me that the tears have come off and on all day. Even as I type I have to stop to wipe my eyes.
It's hard enough to know that he's old enough to go...but to be the one looking in his terrified little face and try to be reassuring....and to see him overcome his fear and step out of his comfort zone was such a milestone for us.....and it all seemed to crumble right before my eyes and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I feel as though I was the only one in the room who was their solely for what was best for their child. The others , some more obvious than others, simply were looking for a way to be rid of their kid. I believe that he learned a life lesson today...and for that I am grateful....but I as him mama am feeling heartbroken and guilty as hell. I want him to be able to face his fears and rise to the challenge and today he did just that. I'm proud to be the mother of a very brave little boy....and I've decided that when the time comes for either preschool or kindergarten next year that he'll be just fine...come what may...
and come what may....I'll still be crying because my baby is growing up.
|
Comments:
Post a Comment